Monday, March 28, 2011
Famous Last Words
"I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke." [Fight Club]
This is not a match preview. This is not a statistics lecture. This is not Navjot Singh Sidhu predicting how many times Malinga will kiss the ball. These are the words of a desperate cricket fan who is about to lose his mind.
It's a few hours before semi-final starts. It's been called a lot of things; "The greatest match ever", "The mother of all finals", "The showdown" and what not. Though exciting, these words don't explain half of it. The aforementioned quote from Fight Club on the other hand, explains it pretty well.
It's been almost a week since the semi-final was decided and the anxiety is still the same. My hands still shake, I sleep thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. To sum it up, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on porn if I tried. Yes, it's that bad. And this blogpost is just to vent it out before it gets to me.
First things first. For fuck's sake, stop making this about Munni, Sheila or any of your Bollywood divas. This is cricket, not a fucking gambling game where you put women on the line. Apart from being utterly retarded, it's sexist. And if you need that to be pointed out, you're retarded anyway. As Sir Asif Shah clearly tells us, cricket is about these things and these things only:
"It's a bat of dee cup.
It's a ball of dee cup.
It's a pad of dee cup.
It's a gloves of dee cup.
It's a wicket of dee cup.
It's a pitch of dee cup.
It's a ground of dee cup.
It's a sound of dee cup."
Did he say girls/ women? 'nuff said.
On a serious note though, the team wasn't worth the quarters, let alone the semis. I say this for a number of reasons which all cricket lovers understand. The way Afridi has led this team to the semis is nothing short of extraordinary. To be honest, this team has impressed me more than I expected. As Kamran Abbassi wrote, anything the players achieve from here (when they qualified for the quarters) on in is a bonus. I believed that and I still do.
Until recently, I believed winning is all that matters. But what this team has gone through (and it still is as shown by Rehman Malik's brain explosion), winning seems too much to ask. It's not out of their capability but it becomes improbable after such a series of mindfucks. So, I will watch this match for a few reasons. Firstly, take a look at this video at 0:42, 1:34 and 1:47-
I want to watch this difference of celebration upon personal and national achievements.
I want to watch Afridi roar upon taking a breathtaking catch.
I want to watch Shoaib Akhtar demonstrate how weak Indian timber is.
I want to watch Shoaib Akhtar dive to save a boundary and show a finger to the camera.
I want to watch Umar Gul's thunderbolts fracture feet, bats and wickets.
I want to watch Saeed Ajmal's doosra that leaves the batsman stunned in the middle.
I want to watch our batsman show the Indians that it's the custom-made pitches that make their batsmen heroes.
Hence, the quote from Fight Club.
They do this, they win. And there's no question of me hating them.